If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize