Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
