On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
