I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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