I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
