How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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