when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
