I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
