Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
