I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
