perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
