I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
