i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
