i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
