and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
