She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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