would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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