and you said cock pushups were impossible
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
