ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
