if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
