Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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