I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
