This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
