I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
