So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
