:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
