Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
