before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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