I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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