Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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