The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
