Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
