You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
