God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
