i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
