you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
