already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
