Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize