The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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