we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
