this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
