I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize