Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
