seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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