He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
