My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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