I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
