Whod you bang
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
