just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
