Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
