I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
