I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize