those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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