then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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