Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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