And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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