break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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