first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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