It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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