the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
