I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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