When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
