apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
