I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
