I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
