so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
