you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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