why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
