I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
