Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
