Betty ford says i'm here all night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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