In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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