I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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