No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
